Almost Bare Podcast
October 21, 2019
Episode 18: Tetris of the Heart
On this episode of the Almost Bare Podcast, Lyndsay Soprano and Jon Ramirez talk about playing Tetris of the Heart and healing broken-heartedness. Can they figure it out without blowing up?
Jon starts off the episode by sharing how bamboozled he was when he saw pictures of Tim from the last episode. Tim was the love of her life. She forgot to mention the part where they would attempt to get back together, which ultimately just led to them drinking too much wine and having sex. She also failed to mention that he once came to her house in Orange County years after their break-up and said “okay, let’s get married,” and then he ghosted her.
They move on to talk about mending a broken heart, and how pretty much everyone has experienced broken-heartedness in one way or another. Jon discusses being broken hearted as a child because of the trauma he faced from the dysfunction with his parents. Lyndsay has a similar experience from her father leaving at a young age and also from her rape situation. They both realized that they’ve carried that broken-heartedness into adulthood, and that it has affected their romantic relationships.
He talks about the self-esteem issues he faced because of his childhood trauma, and how he literally felt like a piece of shit until he was in his early 20s. He was overweight and didn’t care about himself.
They discuss being only children and the contrast between people with siblings having someone to lean on. Jon talks about leaning on his friends, but not talking to them about the situations that really mattered or that he really needed help dealing with. He expands on this, sharing that his coping mechanism is to ignore the problem until it comes to a head.
Lyndsay admits that she beats herself up all the time and that she holds herself to overzealous standards. She feels like she needs better coping skills because she’s always taking on more things and it’s taking away from the things she really needs to be doing. Jon tells her that she is causing conflict, but not confronting it.
His therapist told him that the trauma in his life created emotions, and if he doesn’t process them, they stick with you. He has never confronted his feelings and they’ve manifested in a lot of different ways in his adult life, mainly anger. He coped with his feelings as a teenager through playing video games or masturbating. She coped with sex.
He goes on to discuss humankind as a whole suffering from PTSD and that we don’t even know it. We replay images in our head of what once was. She talks about a song in the musical “Miss Saigon” called “Movie in My Mind,” and relates it to her relationship with her own mother, who had one idea of what she would be like, and then how she actually turned out.
Lyndsay moves on to talk about the pain perspective, and how Biofeedback has made her realize the importance of dealing with her shit. Her psychologist thinks all of her trauma has built up in her feet and is keeping her from moving forward. She didn’t know what true anger was until she was older and didn’t think it was affecting her.
He talks about the importance of finding your story, and asking yourself where it begins, can you close one chapter and open another? Confront whatever you’re dealing with so you can move on.
They discuss the human nature of complaining, and how it doesn’t necessarily make you a bitch baby. It’s important to vent and get things off your chest. They’ve both grown a lot, both separately and together over the past year, and learned the importance of persevering through the hard times.
Tell us your coping mechanisms for overcoming a broken heart or handling trauma:
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